Kanwal Trehan · Coaching for women navigating change and loss

First Steps
After Loss

A gentle checklist for the early days — when everything has changed, and you are still expected to eat, sleep, and answer the door. Nothing in here is urgent. Take what helps. Leave the rest.

A free resource

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The first days

Right now

If you are reading this in the middle of it, I am sorry. This is not a to-do list — it is permission. One item, whenever it looks possible. Leave the rest.

Drink a glass of waterThen eat something simple. Toast counts. So does soup from a friend.
Sleep when you canGrief is exhausting in a way sleep only partly fixes. Rest anyway, whenever it comes.
Tell one person what today looks likeEven if the honest answer is “I don’t know yet.” That is a complete sentence.
Let someone helpCooking, driving, answering the door. “Yes, please” is a complete sentence too.
Postpone what can be postponedMost things can. The world will keep for a little while longer than it claims.
Step outside for five minutesAir counts as progress. So does sitting in the garden or the car.
Let clumsy words passMost people mean well, even when they say it badly. You do not have to comfort them.
Do one small thing that is only yoursA shower. A walk. Ten quiet minutes. You are still in there.

A note to keep

There is no right order and no right pace. If all you did today was get through the day, that was the task. You are not behind.

First Steps After Loss · A free resourcekanwaltrehan.ca

When you are ready

The paperwork, gently

None of this has a deadline. Grief already takes enough — it does not get the paperwork too. Not today.

Choose one paperwork personA sibling, a friend, your person. They hold the phone calls, the forms, and the hold music.
Gather the key documents in one folderJust find them for now. Sorting can wait for a steadier week.
List who needs to be toldThen let someone else make the calls. You approve the list; they do the dialling.
Ask the professionals what they already handleFuneral home, hospice, your faith community if you have one. You are not expected to know what you have never done before.
Ask about the money side when you have the strengthEmployer, bank, Service Canada. Bring someone with you — two sets of ears hear more than one.
Keep one “later” listOne page, one place. When 2 a.m. reminds you of something, write it there and go back to sleep.

Borrowed strength is still strength

The paperwork is not a test of how much you loved them. Let people carry it with you — that is what they are asking for when they ask how to help.

First Steps After Loss · A free resourcekanwaltrehan.ca

Words for the people around you

What to say, when you cannot

People will ask how they can help. You do not have to invent an answer on the spot. Borrow these, or bend them until they sound like you.

01

“Thank you for thinking of us. We are not ready for visits yet — I will reach out when we are.”

02

“Meals would help the most. Tuesdays and Fridays, if you can.”

03

“I don’t have any answers yet. When I do, you will hear it from me first.”

And if the days start to feel too heavy to carry alone, a grief group or a grief counsellor can walk beside you. Asking for that support is a practical step too — not a detour from being strong.

When you are ready for what comes next

There is a chapter after this one.

The Next Chapter Quiz is a gentle place to start — a few quiet minutes, three possible directions, no wrong answers. Or book a free discovery call and we can simply talk.

Take the Next Chapter Quiz Book a free discovery call Because I Love You · Legacy planning

Every button is tappable · app.simplymeet.me/kanwalt · kanwaltrehan.ca/because-i-love-you

Kanwal Trehan — kt monogram
First Steps After Loss · A free resourcekanwaltrehan.ca